Posts Tagged ‘me’

Heart Swells

That about sums up today for me. Heart Swells.

I have had some pretty dark days. I know everyone has…I had a dark season. Yet now that season seems so long ago and believe or not hard to remember.

Today was one of those days where the dark season seems so far away and the heart swell are abundant.

Here are just a few of the moments of heart swells.

  1. getting to the bus stop and noticing that our little neighbor has gotten taller…realizing its been 3 years with the same morning smiles. Waving good-bye as I drive off to work and L mans the bus stop.
  2. a mid-day text from a brownie mom asking talking about cookies and camp and just thinking about how lucky I am to be “leading” these girls for another year
  3. scoring the approval for another project– yes sometimes my heart swells at work. Being appreciated, closing the deal for your team, making it happen. It makes me happy.
  4. picking up my soccer carpool. these girls can really be the highlight of my week. the 45min drive home is just full of simple problems. lots of laughs. it’s grounding. tonight we had dinner together– and freaking them out that I messed up their order, talking about being “grounded”, just made the night that much sweeter
  5. eating dinner in a packed smashburger filled with so many familiar faces. It was our school fundraiser night- another thing my fundraiser partner/neighbor and I put together- but it’s more than that its the smiling faces, the hugs, the catching up…this is my community. It’s our version of CHEERS.
  6. a simple email from a friend that wasn’t so simple. the lasting connections I have made along the way.
  7. MB running out of the room on the phone with TB to strategize on my “surprise”
  8. reading 2 perfect cards from the love of my life

It’s funny as I read back over that I realize that 80% of these things happen every day.

The new normal. I will take that. A new normal full of daily heart swells.

I am very lucky. I am very blessed. Life is good. Life is great. I can’t wait to see what the next 35 years bring.

Happy Birthday to me.



another reason technology rocks

Technology and social media that is.

So you may or may have not noticed I haven’t talked about running or races for a while. That is for a couple of reasons.

1) It is too #*($&#*$( hot in the summer in AZ to run…even early in the morning it is already 100

2) I wasn’t seeing the change in my body that I expected for the amount of time I was putting in.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am proud of my accomplishments and I love running. I love all the challenges I put myself through with the half marathons and triathlons. I never never thought I would do one let alone the 10+ I did and I love my wall of medals. I wouldn’t change a second of it.

Yet all the hours of training and time out pounding the pavement didn’t affect my body the way I had thought.

So this summer I decided to try some new things.

First up was Pilates. I found this studio through a groupon and feel in love. The reformer, jump board, the chair- the challenges, the results. After going just 3 times I started to noticed changes in my body. After a few months I am longer and leaner then I have ever been. I recently added the Dailey Method (barre training) to the routine and I can already start to see the additional change and benefit. I am starting to things in my stomach and arms that I haven’t seen since high school swim team. TB made my day a few weeks back as he noticed my forming 3pack as were out by the pool. Those are words I simply never thought I would hear.

Ok so what does that have to do with technology.

Over the past few months I have dropped 15lbs and I really can’t tell you exactly how many pant sizes cause I haven’t been shopping for new pants and in the summer all I wear is dresses anyway….all I know is what I have now requires a belt and in most cases that still isn’t enough.

So I saw this cute little outfit on piperlime and I went on a limb and decided to try it.

So the package comes. I try it out. I look in the mirror. I am home alone. I think I like it but it’s not what I usually wear. I am still not sure that the reflection I see is the one 15lbs lighter than it was a few months ago.

So what does a girl do that is home alone with no girlfriends nearby to comment.

She posts the photo to friends in cyberspace and asks for honesty. Remembering the recent stat on the today show that people are more honest on text about what looks good than face to face. So I text.

What was a girl to do before technology? I know if I hadn’t been able to reach out and get confirmation that it looked ok I probably would have sent it back….but the responses were just enough confidence booster that I needed. Now the outfit is hanging in the closet ready for our trip to CABO.

And because I owe it to technology I will even post the photo on the blog….and maybe if you are lucky a photo from Cabo with it dressed up to go out 🙂

Weekend in review- race update

35,000 ft with sore muscles and my sweetheart sound asleep next to me.

Dreading the enormous about of chores waiting for me at home when I just want to crawl into my bed and snuggle up and sleep.

But that is part of the toll of a good weekend.

A good friend came in to visit Saturday with plans to run the PF Changs marathon with me on Sunday. She woke up sick that morning and so with 3 race packets in the house only I headed off to get it done.

My wonderful friends and neighbors and race buddies picked me up and we had some great running weather. The course was changed up from last year, while not steep the first 10 miles were all up hill. My body had aches and pains for pretty much the entire thing. The crazy thing was each time I looked down at my garmin feeling like I was dragging my pace was around 10min. It surprised me each time….so while I didn’t finish with a PR (2:15) I came in 12 min faster than I did at this race last year. It’s such a great feeling of achievement and accomplishment for me. I just feel stronger and that ROCKS! People keep asking me why I keep running the halfs. I enjoy them. I need the race to keep me training. I know without a race I’m gonna run, but I’m gonna run 3 miles, 5 miles. I like pushing myself and crossing that finish line after 13.1 miles. It keeps me focused. So now 2 weeks till we head to Tink. I’m really excited for this one it’s just gonna be fun and I get to meet some girls I’ve been waiting to for a long time! Then it will be time to tri training spread the miles out across the pool, bike, and shoes.

After the race I came home to a blur. There was In-n-Out burger, hot tub, then a 2 hour meeting with our designer where we decided on everything from paint to fabric to furniture. Decisions. Decisions. I think we might of made over 20 major decisions. My head is still spinning and now it’s go go go. I’ve got painters coming for quotes, I’m ordering stuff like crazy. Excited and freaked at the same time.

Then it was a 5 min shower and out the door to dinner with friends. Lots of laughs and some good red wine and I could barely keep my eyes open. After hours of that I dropped my friend at the airport and somewhere around midnight climbed into bed and passed out. Yep 5:30am to midnight with 13.1 miles, a decorator, and entertaining.

Momma needs sleep but that will have to wait till next weekend.

Balance…it doesn’t exisit

Someone the other day asked about how do you balance being a working mom?

My response you don’t.

I have come to realize that you don’t really balance it. You make do. You do what you have to do.

Sometimes work is ahead. Sometimes family is ahead. All you have to make sure is that you keep yourself calibrated and that your family is communicating their needs.

Leaving the office at 3pm so you can meet the bus puts the family ahead. Turning on the TV and asking for quiet time so you can make a work call before you make snack puts the office ahead.

Sometimes there will be a crisis at work that will take a lot of focus and energy. Making you not so much fun at home.

Sometimes there will be a crisis at home that will take a lot of focus and energy. Making your work suffer.

It’s an up and down ride. A pendulum.

One side is always up and the other side is down.

Now the perfect day is when your work is calm and you can get up, start the day, send your little one off on the bus, head to the office, focus the working hours on work, then head home, get your little one and be 100% in the “mommy” mode. Those are perfect days. Those are days where you feel like supermom. Yes, you can do everything. Sometimes you have more of those days, sometimes you long for those days.

Add in a working dad and just double the trouble.

There are 2 of you right? so balance should be attainable. It isn’t. It seems to be Murphy’s Law that both will get the work swings at the same time making the scheduling act even more challenging. And both of you are focused on the right thing, making sure there is time for the little ones. You take time out to play, to talk, to be an involved parent. Once they go to bed you try to make up for lost time at work….until your eyes are falling. Then you both crash into the night listening to the sound of Brian Williams.

So how do you know when you are doing it right?

For me it is those last few minutes before I put MB to bed. It’s her snuggled up in my lap. Reading our bedtime stories. It’s calm. It’s quiet. Everything drifts from my mind but the pages in the book. We giggle at Zoe Flenfebacker’s crazy hair or Peters Seven Picky Eaters birthday cake. At that time nothing else matters, a delayed snack is a thing of the past.

Nothing else exists.

It’s not balance that doesn’t exist.

But that moment is perfect.

That moment is ours.

That moment is how we end the day.

That moment is family first, that moment is being a mom, whatever else happened that day is just that. Something that happened, the past, it doesn’t matter.


It’s over

Kindergarten is over.

I will admit I am still in shock.

I don’t know where this year went.

I look back at the work MB did this year and the pictures of her throughout the year and I can see how much she has grown. How her pretty princess pictures have gotten more detailed. How much clearer her writing is. How much taller she is. The last of the baby face is melting away. The vocabulary amazes me on a daily basis- as an only child she talks just like TB and I. Nothing funnier than hearing her say- that is inappropriate, we have been delayed, the decision is too stressful, we must compromise, and a million other that I just can’t seem to think of right now.

She has graduated Kindergarten. Now she is a 1st grader.

I am ready, but I am not ready.

I want her to grow up, but I want her to stay small.

But we can’t stop time. She is growing up.

She had a wonderful last day. I sent her off with her Kindergarten Graduate shirt and shortly got a text from a friend asking on MB’s behalf if she could have her friends sign it.

Sign away, baby, sign away.

So she came home with 12 little signatures across her shirt and one even from her teacher.

I was happy, I was a little sad.

Then we headed off to the dentist.

I signed her in.

We sat down to play a video game.

The hygienist came out and called her name. Then sat down and told me what they were going to be doing today. Then she took MB back into the office.

Wait. What????

I am going to sit in the waiting room. When did this start?

I was too stunned to speak and afterwards I found out MB was too surprised too so she just went along and then it was too late to ask for her mom.

So I waited in the waiting room for 20min till they called me in to give me the report (all good!) and directed me to the check-out lady.

MB was getting her prizes and showing me the loot. Completely fine that she had just had her first doctor’s appointment without mommy. Other than the initial shock it didn’t faze her.

I wasn’t so lucky….it hit me hard. It’s over.

While she will always be my baby she isn’t my baby anymore.

Welcome to First Grade.


The beginning of a ritual

I am not sure how many times you need to do it to make it a ritual, but I think we are getting close.

There is the day before the race. Where I seem to have everything under the sun planned. Wether it is company in town, MB having 3 activities, multiple parties, or pre-planned nights out. It is never the easy lazy day and early to bed.

Anyway I lay out my stuff. I prepare my clothes, transition, food. I fill up the water bottles. I get the GPS charged.

I usually forget something on race day even with my post-it note reminders.

So far it has been nothing major– just sunscreen, water, Starbucks money. I cope.

Race day is upon us.

The race is complete.

Now comes the rest of the ritual.

I get my Starbucks on. Crazy but iced coffee tastes so good after. Sometimes I pick it up, sometimes TB has it waiting for me at home. It might even be better support than seeing them at the finish line. 🙂

Then I take my wobbly body home…and you know what we do.

We go to a movie.

There is nothing better. Dark. Quiet. You just sit there. MB is happy watching her favorite new flick and enjoying an icee and popcorn. The parenting requirements are minimal for 2+ hours. A perfect escape and if you fall asleep for a minute or too odds are no one will know.

So that is our race day ritual…what is yours?

Watch out drivers and WINNERS

There is a new road biker hitting the streets.

Yesterday I did my first road bike ride….I am surprised, but happy to report I really loved it. My lovely neighbor gave me a bike to borrow and insisted we go out together the first time. Lovely is a total understatement. She rocks.

Anyway, my training plan called for 75min. We ended doing 90 and put in some hills. Burned 800 calories. WHOOP WHOOP. It was a gorgeous AZ day. 70’s. Sunny. Just pure heaven to be outside.

It took a little bit to get used to the bike, lot less stable than my mountain bike. But I got it quickly and worked on learning the proper etiquette for turning and moving through traffic.

The hill climbs were tough, and I slowed down a bit, but I did them.

The real killer was when we got off the bike we needed to run for 15min. I managed, but had the worst shin splints ever. Pain. Pain. Pain. Supposedly it will lessen as I do more bricks- but this is the transition pain from going from the bike to the run. OUCH.

First thing I did this morning was check the plan and see that I have 3 more bricks to practice and hopefully lessen the pain before the race. At least the bike distance for this first one is going to be about half of what I did yesterday so I should be in better shape.

In general I can see adding some long rides into my weekly routine…I smile just thinking about doing a long bike ride one early weekend morning before the rest of the crew gets up. Quiet. Not much traffic.

So watch out drivers…this could get real interesting.

And yes mom this is still your daughter :)….as I am becoming this half-marathon, triathlon fool I realize that anything is possible. It wasn’t very long ago (like a year or two) that I was saying I would never be able to run 13.1 miles and I just looked at the tri-athletes as gods. If you put your mind too it, make it a priority to carve out the time, have a wonderful support network that encourages you, helps you find the time…you really can do it.

And the winner of Read it Forward. Sad to say there were only 2 entrants…I really wish I had 2 books to send you…but chose #2.

JennaLynn: I follow the LoveBugs via Bloglovin! :)

Jenna- please email me your address and I will get the book out to you. Happy Reading!

Motivation where are you?

Do you ever have those days when you just have no motivation??

Yesterday was it for me.

I had a long list of things to do and didn’t want to tackle any of them.

I just didn’t have the motivation.

No motivation for work, for chores, for working out.

I would say I was tired, but I don’t really think I was. I ended up staying up till well after midnight which is not usual for me.

I just didn’t want to do anything plain and simple.

I didn’t want to go to the grocery store. I didn’t want to go out to grab lunch. I didn’t want to tackle all the laundry. Basically I didn’t want to do much of anything.

So you know what??

I didn’t.

Now I made lots of calls. Made appts for when my motivation was back, counting on it being tomorrow. I cleared up all my various email inbox’s.

So I didn’t do nothing. I actually got alot accomplished when I look at my to-do list, but only those things I could do from inside the house.

Do you ever have those days when you just don’t want to “DO” anything???

I have to cram many more errands into the next couple days…but it was so worth it to me to not make myself do it yesterday.

In un-related news I did get a new iPhone. So am looking for all those great apps that you love, comment away!!!

Sometimes you just got to bake

I had the itch to bake today. MB was too busy playing business with TB that she couldn’t be disturbed, unless it was for a taste test. Discovered she does not like sugar dough…only chocolate chip dough…and the cookies were better with frosting.

Ended up with mini little hearts. Yummy…served my baking craving for the day…and now I have baggies wrapped for all the girls at the bus stop!

Only about 7 left over for the house…which means that I won’t undo the 1600m laps on the pool today!

I had to admit using the little mini heart made them so much cuter than last time when I used the big heart cut…mini is cuter…can’t go wrong there!


If I can’t blow dry my hair I am going to have to blame it on Becca at Our Crazy Boys.

My curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask about the 2011 Push up Challenge.

Turns out she and a bloggy friend teamed up to do push ups for every day of the year: Jan 1, 2011- 1 push up, Dec 31, 2011- 365 push-ups. To prove they are not really crazy and just want buff arms they are splitting into 2 teams. Even and Odd. So one takes the even days and the other the odd days.

With all my running my legs are doing just fine…but the arms could use a little help…though my weekly flow class gets in their share of planks and push-ups…but I want more! Hehe…I am crazy too.

So I am joining the girls in the challenge. I am going with team Even…so will be doing 32 push-ups tomorrow.

How many crazy followers do I have out there that want buff arms too??? Join us!!!

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