Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Mommy mode

Summers are tough with Mb gone but you deal.

On of the hardest things is the routine.

As a mom you have to manage the schedules, keep a routine, make sure bedtime is in check, you know the drill.

So during the summer my day job goes on holiday. I try to focus on the positive I get more time in the gym, Tb and I have some quality time, we don’t have to live on a school schedule.

Then the summer is over. Yippee. This happens just about the time you are adjusted to the non parenting schedule. So it’s time to adjust again.

Mb’s calendar which had been pretty empty is starting to fill up with school stuff and so the scheduling and working parent juggling begins. My task list is growing and my workout opportunities are dwindling.

I’m not complaining. I’m so thankful to have this problem and I miss it, but I will admit its a tough adjustment after having been on summer break.

I guess if I’m honest it’s not just that I go from one job to 2 but when school starts so does my job 3 as Brownie Leader and new job 4 on the PTO events committee.

Let’s just say my life is managed by google calendar and there are 7 different schedules overlaid to give the complete outlook for the day.

Shiver. Time to get ready for back to school and back to being a 4 job juggler. Which means adding a few more cups of joe to the day ūüôā


Welcome home

She sees me and takes off in a run right into my arms.

She sees him and takes off again for a bear hug.

She kneels down and gives her kisses through the carrier.

She is home.

This was our reunion today. Mb is now back with me, tb, and Indy. I couldn’t think of a sweeter way to end 2011.

I sit on the plane right now looking at my 2 love bugs holding hands.

She looks over at me and winks.

There are smiles.

My heart is full of love.

It’s not the easiest to have to be apart. But you learn to cope and deal. Sometimes the break allows you the me time and couple time everyone needs and always forgets to take. You count the days, hours, moments till you are back together. But all it takes is that one second, that one look, that one run, that one hug to realize you all felt the same way and now you are back together.

Hope everyone else is surrounded by love of family and friends tonight.

Bring on 2012 it’s gonna be another great year.

Not alone

Sometimes I think what we do is a little crazy. Well more than sometimes, but we are not alone.

Last night as we boarded our plane home to Scottsdale and get nestled into our seats I notice a little girl about MB’s age one row ahead getting briefed by a flight attendant all about the plane. An unaccompanied minor. It was a full flight and MB and I were sitting in a row of 3 seats.

So I asked the flight attendant if the little girl was flying alone, when she confirmed she was I offered to have her come sit with us. The girls eyes lit up as she saw MB and quickly shook her head yes. After waiting to make sure the lady in our row would switch seats the girls quickly became fast friends.

We had a 4 hour flight of making friendship bracelets, watching movies, sharing snacks, drinking princess drinks (aka sprint and cranberry), coloring, talking about how much they both don’t like Justin Bieber, they were fast friends.

All that aside I think it was the first 2 min conversation that sealed the deal. As she sat down MB asked where she lived. PHX was the answer she was just visiting her mom for fall break. Oh, just like me, MB said, but I was visiting my dad. Cool. And that was that.

I came to learn while this was her first back and forth trip- it was the first of many to come. The same arrangement that MB had….and she was traveling solo just as MB will be in another year.

One can only hope that maybe they will find each other on future flights and be flying buddies….

Sometimes it just hits you

I know I still owe posts on vacation…they are coming, but today as I lay on my yoga mat it hit me.

We had a wonderful vacation. I couldn’t really put my finger on it but it was really just peaceful. Lots of family, new friends, and old, days at the beach, good food and memories but there was more. It was one of my favorite visits to the island.

I realized today what it was. It was my family. It was how easy it was and right it was.

I didn’t worry about making sure everyone was ok. Everyone was. Wether we were keeping¬†separate¬†conversations¬†at the bar or relaxing at the beach each doing our own thing or playing in the waves or enjoying a meal together. We were together. We were enjoying our time away from it all.

Such a relaxing way to spend a week. We just enjoyed being there together with family.

Simple right?? Another thing I didn’t realize I had been missing.

As I laid on my mat at the end of a great yoga class, it hit me. Peace. Happiness. Family.

Missing someone the moment they leave. Missing having the lovebugs all together.

A song was playing I had never heard as I was laying on my mat…but a song I now love. “Bless the Broken Road”

The words rang so true to me.

“Bless The Broken Road”

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true


Now I’m just rolling home
Into my lover’s arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

As I lay there, tears rolled down my eyes.

Tears of release. Tears of happiness. Tears of knowing that things are going to be alright. Better than alright. Things are perfect, just they way they should be.

Hips Don’t Lie

It’s Sunday night.

Yin yoga night.

Always a reflective night.

As we were working on another deep yoga stretch our instructor said the following and it really hit home.

“The tension you keep in your shoulders and neck…that is like your short term memory.

The hips are your long term memory. You might even feel a release of something you might even know you were holding on too.”

As she was saying this I was in the deepest “square” pose I have ever done. Deep. Head almost to the floor.

I was surprised how open I was.

Her comment made reflect on 2 things.

1) Today’s practice in general I was so much more open…I totally relate that to the wonderful relaxing weekend with the family. Nothing on the agenda. No stresses. Lots of sunshine and fresh air. My body felt that completely.

2) The long-term memory. Those years of crap. It is going away. It is losing it’s place in my life, in my body, in my hips. Those hips are getting more open each week…making room for a lot more goodness!

Hips Don’t lie. They don’t know how to.

And getting a babysitter for yoga night out is probably the best thing we have even decided to do. We find time to talk. We find time to eat. We find time to have fun. This gives us time to be good to ourselves. This gives us time to relax. We are in our own practice, but we are together. When we are finished we feed our bellies and have some mindless chat….then go home and tuck our sweet little lovebug in bed. Really can’t think of a better reason to get a babysitter or a better way to start off the week.

Back to the grind and Routine

Well I never got around to posting yesterday…I have it all laid out in my head but I ended up sending an email to my ex about vacation plans, and that ended up taking over most of my evening. Never easy. I just hope after we get through a year on this new agreement and it all becomes more clear that next year will be easier…but I wouldn’t bet a dime on it.

And now it is back to work….it was nice to have the extra day off yesterday and I had a pretty hefty goal of accomplishing my 20+ item task list.

I managed to get about half of it done, which isn’t bad…but man it would of felt good to start ahead of the game the first day back in 2011…no such luck.

MB on the other hand came home from school all happy and excited..enjoying being back with her teacher and friends and back into routine.


I love routine. Break is nice but schedule is wonderful. Everyone back on schedule is peaceful. Bus stop. Friends over. Playtime. Dinner time. Get ready for bed. Story. Sleep. Mommy works. Bedtime for all. And round and round we go.

Activities on set days. Knowing the windows of time when I can get my run and errands in.

Ahh. Break was nice but I am happy for the normalcy of routine.

2010 Reflections…My turn

First off I tried the 10 miles on the treadmill yesterday. It was tough. The definition of boredom. I made it to about 6 miles before I really really was going nuts. TB only did about 5 and then went to the steam room…I decided I would just keep plugging away till he got back. Well he ended up passing on the steam room so came back while I was at mile 7. So while my body could of kept on my brain was fried and since he was ready to go I opted to jump off the treadmill. Hopefully the 12 miles next week won’t feel to bad…I will be back outside and I feel good about it, so here is to positive thinking.

Now off to my 2010 reflections…and a speed run on Friday

My 2010 Reflections

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year? Moving to Arizona, and finding the perfect house &  neighborhood!

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened? Finding balance in dealing with a pain in the *@# ex. I refer to it as my black cloud. It has been ever present for the past 3 years. Finally in July it was removed from the every day life, but it pops up way to often. Figuring out how to not let it rule our life has been a work in process…I finally have find a few tricks that are allowing us to decide when we want to deal with it, but it is far from out of our life. I just hope in 2011 it won’t still be the most challenging thing…but I am not that hopeful.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year? Getting to be so involved with MB’s school. I never imagined I would be participating in all the class activities, volunteering for centers, leading the daisy troop…I have been able to be there so much more than I had anticipated and we are all loving it.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle? Job searching…first time I have ever really had to go out looking for a job since I left college, trying to figure out what I really want to do was a lot harder than I realized.

5. Pick three words to describe 2010. Family. Running. Smiles.

6. With whom were your most valuable relationships? My family first, of course. I also have built friendships with my neighbors that are becoming such a big part of my life. Having girlfriends to go walking and running with, impromptu dinners/drinks, having a list of people to call to help fish sit!
7. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year? Running. Last year I started running, never before had I had any desire to run. I started with the couch to 5K program and in Jan of 2010 did my first 5k. Now running is my way of life…I get it in at least 3 times a week. I decided to go for a half marathon and have been training for it the past few months. It has been such an experience to push myself each week and find myself running further than I have ever run before. I love it, love being outside, love pushing myself, love running together with TB. Can’t wait to accomplish the half.
8. What was biggest thing you learned this past year? That I can run…I can be that person! And that you can have it all, you don’t have to settle.

9. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year? I have to agree with TB here…spending time talking about or dealing with my ex has been the biggest waste of time. Nothing ever changes, nothing ever comes of anything. It just causes stress and negativity that has no place in my home.

10. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2010 for you. Live, love, laugh, and run

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Will I ever learn

Will I ever learn that he will not change.

Will I ever learn that all the things I do are unappreciated, he only cares about control.

Will I ever learn that he can’t self reflect.

Will I ever learn that he is who he is and I should just be thankful that his influence on my life is not what it used to be.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

The serenity prayer is a complete reflection of what I must remember when dealing with him.

I have the courage, that has been proven.

I have gained the wisdom- more than I wish.

Serenity and strength will beat out stupidity every time.

No more long emails

Ok I am going to have a rare venting session.

I don’t like to do this too often as I want to close this door on my life and there are so many happier things to focus on, but tonight it a night to vent.

To protect the idiots I will not be as direct as I should…if they were ever to read this they will know who they are.

So here is my rant:

1. I do not need long emails. When I open up my email and see an email that requires me to scroll and scroll and scroll I do not smile. If these emails were productive or on “important” topics they might be ok, but they aren’t. So please this is not a novel-writing contest and we especially don’t need more than one a day.

2. I know you. I know you do not write these emails. Remember you only know how to TYPE IN ALL CAPS. I have seen emails from you, these are not from you. So again they are long and they are not you, so please. I can’t believe I am saying this but I would enjoy seeing an email in ALL CAPS. Cause it would be short as you hunt and peck you way to the words.

3. You need to look in the mirror. You have no self-reflection. None. None. None. You demand, yes demand things of me that you have never done yourself. That might have worked at one point but it doesn’t anymore. So write in ALL CAPS and look in the MIRROR. If you did so then the emails would never exist in the first place.

4. I will not let you control me, my moods, my life, or my happiness. I have let your black cloud control my life for too long. It doesn’t have that power anymore. Sometimes it might make a moment gray but only for a fleeting moment. The energy set forth in your emails do not have the same effect. My life and my happiness is my own.

5. I feel sorry for you. Yes as much as I wish I didn’t, I do. You are sad, your life is sad. However, you make your life what it is. I don’t see that every changing which is too bad.

And the Award goes to

Wow does this award hit home…I am all over the place with my blog topics or in a positive note “versatile”. Adventures with 3 Girls bestowed this award on me and you should definitely go check her out. She is a LA mom with 3 girls who loves being green. Every Thursday she has a new green post!

According to the rules I am supposed to tell you 7 things you don’t know about me. I guess it should be 7 things you want to know about me too…but no promises.

1. I have an addiction to reality TV. I just can’t look away…Kardashdians, Housewives, Big Brother…you name it, it is probably sitting on my DVR waiting for a night when TB has to work late and I can catch-up.

2. I love to cook. I absolutely love it…I am always looking for something new to try. Our schedule sometimes makes it hard to cook lots of meals…but now with MB here full-time, school starting, and lots of new friends I think there will be plenty of opportunities for me to try new stuff and cook more. Excited about that.

3. I never liked running till I started the couch to 5K in my 30’s and now I am addicted. Only have done 5Ks so far but thinking of going further this far is still to be determined.

4. I am the survivor of a horrible 3 year divorce/custody battle. Where I learned how dubbed I had been in marriage. But that is all behind me and I have a beautiful future ahead with my love bugs.

5. I usually check on my daughter about 5 times before going to bed. Love watching her sleep.

6. I fall asleep with the TV on…love sleep timers.

7. I have been to Africa, Bali, Japan, Thailand…and on and on. I love to travel and was blessed with a family and job that gave me so many great opportunities.

Whoops updating the post as I forgot to pass the award on….the award goes to The Adventures of Chip and Bob. One of my favorite reads! Check out their adventures.

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